Out-squat the squatters
When they won't leave, we move in. Think of us as a passive-aggressive human firewall. Our team of professional squatters can persuade delinquent tenants or squatters to vacate the same week, for less than the price of a traditional eviction.
Boosting your ROI: Return on inconvenience
Avoid lawyers. Deploy vibes.
Getting an eviction through the courts can take 6+ months. We can get this down to 1-4 weeks thru non-destructive displacement. No locks changed, no doors kicked. Just confusing, sustained presence.
Turn freeloading into free-flowing cash.
We accelerate turnover by replacing problem squatters with our problem-solving squatters—the kind who leave when told. Based on the time saved and typical monthly rents, we could save you upwards of $20,000 in loss rent.
Less broken stuff, more broken spirits (their's).
A home with good energy sells or rents faster. Our counter-squatters gently shift the metaphysical balance until the bad energy (and tenants) clear out.
How do you do this legally?
Self-evictions are illegals. You can't just turn off the electricity, lock out your squatter, or physically intimidate or threaten. So taking matters into your own hands isn't a smart move here. We make the space spiritually and energetically uninhabitable to the original intruders. They leave. We linger. Problem solved.
Zero Confrontation, 100% Vibe Shift
Within 24 hours, our counter-squatters arrive. Armed with hammocks, beanbags, and an air of permanence. Each one is professionally trained in the subtle art of being profoundly off-putting. Each placement is tailored. Each vibe is unbearable.
Pricing
We work on a pay-for-success model, so if we can't get your delinquent tenant or squatter to leave, you don't pay.
"Polite pressure" package
$2,950
per all-inclusive eviction
Subtle discomfort, sustained weirdness. Ideal for first-time intruders.
One certified counter-squatter with advanced loitering skills
Strategic planning (each case is always different)
Assessment of current occupants (including background checks) to figure out the right strategy.
24/7 reachable by phone and text
"Executive displacement" package
1.5x monthly rent
Everything from the polite pressure package
Two synchronized counter-squatters, trained in unsettling eye contact and mid-century furniture arrangement
24/7 on-demand consultations by our team of Displacement Strategists™
Conflict de-escalation where there has been a previous history between landlord and tenant
Frequently Asked Questions
What do you guys do exactly?
We specialize in non-confrontational, high-disruption counter-squatting. When someone refuses to leave your property, we send in our people to move in—quietly and with a deeply unsettling level of commitment. We don’t yell. We don’t threaten. We just exist aggressively until the original squatters decide it’s no longer worth the trouble. In short: we move in, so they move out.
Don't I have to wait for the legal eviction process to play out?
No, if an occupant willingly leaves in a voluntary move-out, you can skip a long eviction process. Our service can work concurrently with legal proceedings—we simply add layers of confusion, discomfort, and unsettling domestic performance to gently nudge the current occupants toward a voluntary exit. Think of us as vibe-based acceleration for an otherwise slow-moving bureaucracy. You wait. We weird.
Who are your counter-squatters?
Our Displacement Account Executives™ come from diverse backgrounds in theater, silent protest, scent design, and general unsettling presence. Each is rigorously trained in passive-aggressive occupancy and holds at least one expired Reiki certificate.
How long does this take?
Results may vary based on squatter stubbornness and the astrological forecast. Some leave within hours. Others resist until our nudist starts journaling out loud. We’ve almost never failed—just lingered creatively.
What regions do you guys cover?
Because tenant-landlord laws are hyperlocal, we only work in the greater LA metro (LA and Orange County). We make field visits for every case.
Schedule a 30-min free consult
Have more questions that weren't answered above?
Contact us here or call 917.310.5162.